Is Vegas the New Sex Ed?

When I heard that Flight of the Conchords was performing in Vegas I thought, "Cool, two birds with one stone. I've never been to Vegas and I'd love to see the Conchords live." Jim hadn't been to Vegas since he was 15, so it was like both of us were Vegas virgins. We booked the ticket, booked the flight and headed out for Memorial weekend, which certainly wasn't an ideal time to visit, but when the Conchords call, you go.

I had a whole list of things to do, and while I didn't get to do them all, it gives us a good excuse to go again. On the list of free things to do was the Show in the Sky at the Rio. I kept reading about how it had all new costumes, songs, choreography and was more exciting than the last one and since our friends were staying at the Rio, we thought we'd catch the 7 o'clock show.

If you haven't seen it, there's a main stage on the floor and floats that run along a ceiling track with additional dancers who throw beads at the crowd towards the end of the show, which is only about 15 minutes. We decided to stand on the second floor balcony for the best chance at beads and to see everything. Oh boy, did we see everything!

There were about four families standing in front of us with 7 kids all ranging from 4-10 years in age. When the show started, the performers looked like this...

Pretty tame, for Vegas. But it took less than a minute before those dresses came off and the dancers looked more like this...

What you don't see, is that at least one of the dancers is wearing assless panties. This show wouldn't normally bother me, but all I could think was, "Why in the Hell are you letting your kids watch this?" And I'm not even referring to the skank wear. Everyone is dancing and gyrating to "Loosen Up My Buttons" by the Pussycat dolls; I'm talking lap dance style and simulated sex scenes. At one point, a giant bed came up from the stage and all of the dancers climbed in. They were all straddling each other and essentially dry humping. One of the parents in front of me, shielded her sons eyes for this scene, but she was the only one and it took this long for any of the parents to be offended on behalf of their kids. The guy next to me had his 4 year old up on his shoulders because his son couldn't see. "Here's a better look at the porn son." In fact, I'm now referring to the show as Baby's First Porn.

I'm not a prude by any means, but seriously, I would NEVER take my kids to see something like that and can't understand why any parent would. Then the beads came and that was the answer. Yes, I can see how exposing your kids to porn would be worth some cheap plastic Mardi Gras beads. Really, the only explanation has to be that one of the kids asked where babies came from and Mom and Dad just looked at the each other and said, "We're going to Vegas" as a way to avoid the talk. "Um, honey, just watch this show, and if you have any questions, I'll answer them afterward. Don't forget to grab some souvenir sex ed beads so you'll always remember where babies come from." Oi vey. I'd love to be in that school room in September when the teacher says, "And what did you do this summer, Timmy?"

The Diagnosis

So, after all the tests, the official diagnosis is in and the diagnosis is that there is no diagnosis. My doctor is "stumped" (her words); she even asked the other doctors in her office if any of them had heard of a patient with my symptoms/test results and none of them had. So, loss of taste, SSB positive only bloodwork, and 1 out of 4 glands tested positive with enough lymphocytes (guess the other 3 didn't get the memo). All in all, a weird case. So, I am diagnosing myself as officially having HDM (Holly Danelle Medell - yes, my married name rhymes) Autoimmune Disorder. :oP

My doctor did prescribe me drugs, Paquenil, and said that I needed to get annual eye exams while using it. Apparently, in "rare" cases, vision loss can happen. She kept reiterating that it was a very rare side effect and I wanted to say, "Do you remember who you're talking to?"

In addition to the symptoms listed above, those suffering from HDM will have decreased patience (especially with children and bad drivers), an uncontrollable craving for ice cream and peanut butter M&Ms, hearing loss (though some call it ignoring annoying people), the ability to stump the medical community, and an over abundance of snarkiness. So until a cure can be found, take two Paquenil and invite Ben & Jerry over for lunch.

This 'n That

Alright, I admit it, I'm a bit of a reality tv whore, but I swear, I only watch the good ones! :oP Okay, good may be subjective, but sometimes bad is entertaining too. Lately, I've been tuning into Dancing With the Stars (a first for me), Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution and Jessica Simpson's The Price of Beauty. I'm honestly surprised by that last one too, but stay with me.

While I'm not a fan of Jessica Simpson, I don't have anything against her either. When I first heard about the show on VH1, I wasn't really interested, but then I thought, "Hey, let's see what defines beauty in Thailand," and you know what, it really was interesting. Jessica jet sets with her two BFFs, traveling around the world to find out each culture's definition of beauty and meeting people who may have taken it too far. We learn about the fashion, social stigmas, diets and spa treatments that are used by the locals and Jessica and her friends try them all out. Kind of a cool way to immerse yourself in culture while learning that what it all ultimately boils down to is inner beauty and self confidence. I swear, if you're not ready to don your bikini, rolls and all, by the end of the Rio episode, you need to keep playing it on repeat.
If you want to check it out, all of the episodes are on VH1. And yes, you will get some interesting commentary from Jessica, but hey, did you expect anything less? At least she didn't think Chicken of the Sea was canned mermaid.

I'm planning a whole other post on Jamie's show, so to touch briefly on Dancing With the Stars can I just say THANK GOD Jake and Kate are gone! Those two media whores make my skin crawl and I'm thrilled that I don't have to see Vienna cheering from the sidelines anymore. What is it with these reality tv stars that think they're such hot s&@! (Speidi anyone)? Seriously, what are you famous for, bad choices, bad parenting and acting like a dumbass? Congratulations. You should be proud. Now hurry and write a book before your 15 minutes are over. :oP

On to something fun, a giveaway and a Cookie Jar! I'm so excited because the Cookie Jar has gone non-profit and now the majority of proceeds are being donated to a charity of your choice. There was one Cookie Jar left from last month, so now is your chance to win those goodies, in case you missed it! To enter, visit The Mama Dramalogues post and leave a comment. So far there aren't many entries, so your chances of winning are pretty good! Also, be sure to check out this month's Cookie Jar; all kinds of new goodies.

Have a great day!