"...the number you have dialed is no longer in service. But we hope you enjoyed it while it lasted. You are now being disconnected." (click)Tonight, Jim and I watched the movie "Julie & Julia." A little bit on the long side, but completely relatable. Julie is nearing 30, stuck in a thankless job and wondering what she's done with her life. Well, I've already hit 30, I'm stuck in a thankless job and I too am wondering what I've done thus far. And then I want to smack her upside the
head and say, "Well, Julie, I've one-upped you because try doing anything productive once you have kids." I can't even imagine the lobster fiasco with children in the room. "Mommy, what are you doing?" "Oh, I'm just stabbing this lobster in the head and throwing him into that boiling pot of hot water. Then we're going to eat him. Yum!"Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but I really really really miss my freedom. It wasn't until a few years ago that I even figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up, but by then, we'd already had Peri, and dreams fell by the wayside. And oddly, with all of the technology we currently have to stay in touch, does anyone else feel busier and less connected? It seems like the easier we try to make things, the more we add to our plates and it's no wonder we feel overwhelmed. Now that everyone can get a hold of me anytime and anywhere, they do!
So that's where I am now. Feeling completely disconnected... from myself. I've piled enough on my plate that I'm too exhausted to do anything just for me. I keep thinking that perhaps with those few extra child free hours coming in the Fall, I'll finally be able to do something fun, but knowing me, it just means laundry will actually get folded instead of sitting in the basket for days.
Anyone else feeling a bit disconnected? What aren't you doing that you really wish you were? Do you still have dreams or have you given up? I just don't want to wake up in ten years, with a few more grays to keep my wrinkles company, and think "Damn, I missed the boat." *sigh* I truly am one of those people that believes I can do anything I want to do, but it would really help me out if someone wanted to donate any hours they aren't using and perhaps your extra energy too. Anything to help the cause would be much appreciated!
2 comments:
I feel that all the time. I'm constantly whining to my friends that they never call me...which they don't. If I get to the point of breaking and just need to talk to someone, I end up being the one to call. Most of the time I get answering machines or voice mail...or I talk to someone for 5 minutes, then they have to run. I think the teachers at preschool think I'm pretty sad, because I'm likely the only parent to stay around talking to them...because I need the social interaction.
So...if you ever need an adult voice...call me!
Aw, does somebody need a hug? (why yes, I AM saying that in the most annoying voice I can muster)
Just kidding, but seriously, I totally get ya. I feel the same way. And I try SO hard to be a writer (my ultimate goal) but with kids around, how is that possible? Will doesn't make enough money for the girls to go to preschool or for us to hire a babysitter, and even he makes it hard for me... he sulks and feels left out if I type when he's home, rather than pay attention to him.
I'm almost 30 and very far from my dream actually happening... sucks. Mucho.
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