Four Bridesmaids and a Funeral

Ah, weddings. The flowers, the cake, the dress, the bridesmaids, the tuxedos, the rings, the groom and the Bridezilla.

Today is my husband and mine's 8th anniversary. In all my life, I have attended two weddings, my own and my "friend's" who we shall call D. I know you're jealous right? That I have escaped the pains of the horrid dresses, snarky brides and day long wedding preps, and all relatively unscathed. Wrong. Out of the two weddings, I only care to remember my own.

I had known D for a year, through work, and she picked me to be her Matron of Honor. I was surprised considering out of her 5 bridesmaids, she'd known me the least amount of time and I was picked over her two closest friends and her own sister. But hey, she said I would probably throw her the better parties, so I was nominated. Of course, she was right, I threw a couple of kick-ass parties; a stock the wine cellar bridal shower and a night on the town bachelorette party. All of which took place MONTHS before the actual wedding. This was to ensure that one of the out of towners could be there.
After the parties were thrown, I told D to let me know if she needed anything and that I would be there to help. We exchanged phone calls and emails probably at least once a week. And I always said, "just let me know if you need anything." She never took me up on it, but little did I know, I was supposed to read her mind with my super Matron of Honor ESP senses. Silly me.
The DAY before the wedding, I went to the rehearsal dinner and was frozen out by everyone, including the bride's mother and the groomsmen. Wow, what the heck did I do? Apparently, it's what I didn't do. Everything was done behind my back and I had no clue what was going on. One of the other bridesmaids was oh-so-kind enough to fill me in. She let me know that I was supposed to be calling D every single day and just showing up to help out. Really? With a young child at home, that totally sounded like a great plan. Let me drop everything and meet you now! And I'll also break out my knee pads, it's easier to worship the ground you walk on.

So, I was excluded from the bridal sleepover and on the day of the wedding I was demoted while someone else took over the Maid of Honor duties. Of course, no one told me, it just happened.
That was the longest day of my life. I literally spent an entire day with Bridezilla and her cronies, where I was left out and ignored but expected to participate out of obligation and because if I wasn't there, I would "throw off the numbers." Her words, not mine.
After the ceremony, I'd had enough, I'd filled my numbers obligation but I wasn't about to stick around and play nice during the reception. I high-tailed it out of there with my super supportive husband (who told me not to go to begin with), and never spoke to her again. Two weeks later, she left a message on Jim's phone asking for tech support on her laptop. He texted back that he couldn't help her and that was that. Some nerve.

So, lesson learned, make sure you have ESP, no children, no spouse, no life, and give the bride her 6 months because having just one day surely isn't long enough to fully ruin a friendship. It also works better if you are fully dispensable when all is said and done, and you haven't yet matured beyond high school. Ugh.

(Cue after school special music) So to the future bride, do you really want to be a Bridezilla? With all of the t-shirts and hats available, apparently some do, but why? On the one day you want to be worshipped, do you really want your bridal party calling you an overbearing bitch behind your back? Is your day so important, that those around you are so much less so? Is one day worth screwing up years of friendships? If you want them to think of you make sure you think of them. Moral of the story, don't be a bizatch unless you don't mind that the best friend you're marrying will be the only one you have left.

Jim and I can now joke about how I became the Maid of Dishonor in the wedding from Hell. But it took a while to get over all of the hurt and anger.
And by the way, I sold my bridesmaid dress, "that can totally be worn again," on Ebay with a description that it needed happier memories than I gave it. It's in Canada now. :oP