Thursday, July 23, 2009

Precious Moments Make Me Puke

No not the, "Aw, look how cute my kid is when she's sleeping. Precious." No, I'm talking about those gawdawful dolls, figurines and books. You know the ones. Those droopy eyed, big headed, younguns who apparently are old enough to marry, have babies and ride Harleys (no seriously, I've seen it). I cannot stand these things! I've never thought they were cute, and coupled with the fact that Jim's ex was obsessed with them and felt the need to "collect them all," my disdain has quadrupled and I know there's a room somewhere fully decked out to the nines in this crap with my name on it. Oh yes, my own private Hell just waiting for me.

I stumbled across a Hello Kitty site (that you really should check out) and while I'm not a big fan of her either, it reminded me of the ick cute factor that is Precious Moments. Out of curiosity, I googled Precious Moments products and was bombarded with blankets, figurines, pillows, dolls, books, picture frames and baby shower decor, just to name a few. Oh, but that doesn't take the Precious Moments topped wedding cake, there's a freakin' PARK!

Precious Moments Park is located in Carthage, Missouri, "That's right in the middle of the U.S.A. in a part of the country known as The Ozarks." I love that they tell you that. You mean, I can't walk there from Disney World? From one Magic Kingdom to another? In addition to the meticulously manicured grounds, they boast a chapel "inspired by Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel." I cannot even touch that comparison with a 10-foot pole, but a chapel, really? So that all of the Precious Moment Patrons can come and worship their beloved babes. I mean, what else are you going to do there? Although, I find it ironic that they're closed on Christmas.

And of course, no trip would be complete without visiting the LARGEST Precious Moments store in the whole freakin' world. Where you don't have to covet that darling doll set, you can buy it, in 3 different sizes! You're bound to find more crap you don't need, but the dust bunnies in your house must live somewhere.

I'm sure I could continue my rant of Precious Moments snark, but why, when pictures do so much better. I'd be half tempted to buy these if only it didn't give me something in common with Jim's ex. Well, and if they existed, which they should, but I'm thinking they won't carry these in the world's most sacred rubbish store.

And if you haven't been sufficiently freaked out, I just saw this and I may have nightmares! EEK!


Alyssa S. said...

I guess if you ever come over to visit, I'll hide the two I have. I thought they were kinda sweet...but I did buy them over 10 years ago.

Hello Kitty holds special nostalgia for me. Growing up in Hawaii in the late 70's/early 80's, it used to be you could only find the stuff in the Japanese store called Daiei and it was all straight from Japan, nothing in English except for the words "Hello Kitty" stuff. Not to mention, the only things I ever stole in my life...on a bet in the 4th grade, was a sweet pair of Hello Kitty barrettes :)

Christie said...

I know someone who got married in that chapel . . . ewwwwww! I bet they'll regret that when they start showing their wedding photos to their friends.

Unknown said...

I'm not gonna lie... I love hello kitty and all the little friends that go with them (stationery, stickers and bubble gum only, though - no pillows, chapels, and theme parks, please)

But I HATE Precious Moments. They creep me out, too. I LOVE those ones on your blog, though. Perhaps I should have Hangover on my mantel, and 1st Tricks in my girls rooms. Good plan?

Nicole's Homemade Treats...The Blog said...

What a great post! I LMAO!!! I REALLY DISLIKE Precious Moments also!!! The very last picture is SCARY!!


Melanie @ Whimsical Creations said...

OMG! A park!?!? That is just creepy!

Tizzalicious said...

Those things are pretty horrific indeed!


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