Just Press Zero

That's totally what I look like from behind too! Crazy.

You know, I really hate it when there's something wrong with my account, any account, and I get the paper statement with the discrepancy staring me down. Like in one of those old Westerns, and the mistake and I are standing on a dusty road, littered with tumbleweeds, in a showdown. Our arms arched back, fingers poised above our holsters. Who's going to draw first?

It's not the discrepancy that's bothersome, rather it's the customer service 800 number. I find it ironic that they call it customer service. Hardly ever do I find it to be user friendly and rarer than that is being able to talk to a real person. Curse you automation and your condescending voice!! If companies are going to go this route, they always always ALWAYS need the zero option during the first menu spiel. Because 9 out of 10 times, I'm calling because I have an issue that can't be resolved by repeating all of my account information back to me.

Trying to get an answer to your problem sometimes seems like more of a hassle than the discrepancy is worth. Keep my $4, whatever, it's what I would have spent on Exedrin anyway. However, I had to call my mortgage company because they charged me $60 in weird fees, which was more than my monthly payment alone. There was really nothing else I could do... draw!!!

"Thank you for calling us. No really, most customers don't even bother. Please say your account number."

"123456789."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Perhaps you don't speak English as well as I do. Please repeat."

"123456789."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. For Espanol say ocho."

"Zero. Zero, zero, zero! Give me someone to talk to!!"

"I'm sorry, please select from the following menu options. Say 1 for account information. Say 2 for our mailing address. Say 3 to receive our complimentary brochure on why we're so wonderful. Say 4 if you'd like to be transferred to a completely unrelated department. Say 5 if you're ready to go postal and slam your phone into the wall."

"Five!!"

"Thank you. In order to complete your request, I will need further information as well as a kidney...."
Gaaaah! *SLAM*
You may have won this round Voice-automated-pain-in-my-@$$, but I will break through! I will find a way! I will speak to a human being! Because I'll need that $60 to pay for anger management meetings.