Sunday, August 2, 2009

Not a Fan, Sorry, Bite Me :oP


**WARNING**
If you are a fan of Twilight, please avert your eyes. :o)

I admit it, I saw the movie before reading the book and I have to say, the movie was better. But even that's not saying much. I am referring to "Twilight." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, apparently I am one, of only a few, who didn't care for the books. Maybe I need to be an adolescent girl to fully appreciate the my-whole-world-completely-revolves-around-you relationship that is Bella and Edward, but I'm sorry, I found it to be pathetic and a little too needy for my tastes. I also would not let my teenage daughter read this book for fear that she'd think a boy can treat her like crap and she should swoon.

I'm amazed at all the hype this series has received. Were any of these critics reading the same books I was? I understand that a lot of time and effort went into writing them; maybe a little too much. Ms. Meyer is by far, the queen of verbiage excess. The entire series could have been condensed into two books. I felt like I was being pecked to death by mundane details, completely irrelevant to the story, so that a quota could be met. Get to the point already! No one cares about Bella cleaning the kitchen or re-heating dinner. All of the useless info had the opposite effect and only distracted from the story. Like verbal detours on the meandering road to Hell. Stephanie Meyer needs to fire her editor for letting the story drag on for so long and letting numerous typos slide towards the end of each book. Typos are a personal pet peeve, what can I say?

The best character is Jacob, which is why the second book is way better than the first. Well, after the whole whoa-is-me-Bella-sob-fest. That couldn't end soon enough. And please, for the love of God, do not remind me any more that Bella is a freakin' klutz! Got it, after the first five reminders. Again, must have been that damn word quota. Be forewarned, each book is more bizarre than the last until you're cringing through the fourth one. Like watching a horror movie and forgetting to cover your eyes. How will it end? Please tell me everyone dies. They don't, in case you were also holding out hope.

Why did I keep reading, you may ask? I heard it was a good series and had to find out for curiosities sake. But rest assured, I won't be reading them again. I'm not a sadist; I'm a snarkist. :oP

At least I can always count on Buffy!

6 comments:

ElegantSnobbery said...

See, you know how I know you need psychiatric help??? because you liked the movie more. And also, didn't like the books. You are nuts, Holly.

PS, my word verification is: fluttle

Isn't that word adorable? Say it outloud. Fluttle. So cute!

Winklepots said...

The movie was better because it took far less time to get through! :oP It was the Reader's Digest version of the book.

And a real friend would offer to share her crazy pills, so I'm a little disappointed in you, Marisa. :oP

PS. Fluttle is a cute word. :o) Perhaps we should define it? "A small skirmish between hummingbirds."

ElegantSnobbery said...

Perfect definition!

And share crazy pills... okay, fine... but I thought sharing pills that treat different symptoms of crazy would be a bad thing.

Natalie said...

Holly, I don't think you're insane. I got hooked on the books a long time ago when they came out, but as I read each one, I got more and more annoyed -- mostly for the same reasons you did. The last one is like a train wreck, but I just couldn't stop reading no matter how ridiculous it got. I'll give her props for the first one, though. My theory about her wordiness and repetitiveness is that the book is a "young adult" book. I think teenagers need to be told multiple times before things sink in. . .

Oh, and I liked Jacob better than Edward, too. More and more in the subsequent books.

Michael said...

I saw the move not too long ago and I thought it was just ok. Didn't read the books nor do I have the desire to. So you're not alone, haha

AlyGatr said...

Laughing....very very hard. I love your for finding that clip! I SO miss Buffy.

Like you, I saw the movie first. I didn't hate it, but I felt like I was missing some things, so I ready the book. I liked some of the characters in the book (and/or movie)...it's just Bella and Edward weren't any of them! At the end of the book I just really wanted to James to do Bella in...and Edward, other than the fact he hadn't gotten any in over 100 years, I didn't see why the hell he was to tormented.

I'm waiting for someone to lend me The New Moon...I figure I might as well see it through...and hope someone finally kills Bella off :)

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